The first thing that comes to my mind after reading and writing the header for this post is, “Why isn’t she attending?”  While there are circumstances where a bridesmaid cannot attend a wedding related event, I think if these circumstances are discussed in advance of the wedding date, way in advance – like when you accept the responsibility of being a bridesmaid, then everyone will be in the same page.

But I digress, we reached out to our Coordinated Bride with the below posts and 204 comments later I think we have a better understanding around how the mind of a Coordinated Bride works.

@_iambeyond_beautiful_@_trina_trina and I seem to be on the same page.  A few years ago I posted something similar.  People want the title but they don’t want to do the job!

“If she’s my bridesmaid she better have a good reason why she can’t attend any event or be replaced, don’t say yes and only want to be a part of the wedding and not everything else.”

 “First of all if she’s a bridesmaid,why is she not attending at least one? I say one because people still have lives outside of your wedding. She’s still part of the bridal squad so she would need to contribute even if she’s not attending!!!” 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKgdoOmAQJW/?taken-by=thecoordinatedbride

@desi_ree is putting friendship over money.  We found that a few Coordinated Brides had the same sentiment. 

“It would be nice for her to contribute but if she can’t I understand. I would never want to put someone in a financial predicament no matter the reason of not attending. My day will still be beautiful. I value your genuine friendship over money.”

On the reverse side we were very happy to see a bridesmaid respond.  Once @ms_shanaye she accepted the proposal to be a bridesmaid she fully took on the role – and it didn’t matter that she lived out of state.  Even if she couldn’t be at an event she contributed money towards the event.

“I live in NC my friends wedding was in MD but the shower was in MA, I sent money to contribute to everything. If you take on the role, you take on the responsibility. Considering I worked in daycare, I saved my money as I should’ve to be there for my friend. She knew the limitations I had financially when she asked me and took that into consideration.”

Same point of view from bride @girlie8672 “Yes. It’s what they signed up for when they said yes to being in the wedding. I had 3 out of state maids and 2 of which got pregnant after my engagement and I gave them all the opportunity to opt out bc I understood their financial limitations. They all wanted to be there for me and contributed accordingly.”

Some commenters felt that a bride would be selfish and inconsiderate to ask a bridesmaid to contribute to an event that they cannot attend.

@ohheyitsliz_ “No. If they are not coming they should not pay for it. That sounds really selfish of the bride. The bride is already getting gifts from the bridal shower and wedding and the bachelorette is all about her. Your friends have lives and money issues of their own. They did not choose for you to get married. I’d only say they should if say a bridesmaid planned the event…”

@iam.her718 “You guys are crazy who say yes. Why do you feel that someone owes you because YOUR getting married. Back in the days people didn’t do this big expensive bridal getaways and events. If you’re counting on someone else’s dollar then you shouldn’t be having these events. Who are you guys trying to impress? The person is suppose to support you on your big day all that extra is you just following these new trends.”   “The fact y’all expect people to cough up their shows how selfish and self centered some of you are. It’s disgusting. I would never make someone feel they are obligated financially to me.”

The overall synopsis is that if you accept the bridesmaid proposal then Yes, you should contribute towards the wedding related event – even if you’re not able to attend.  Brides and MOH please be mindful of the event that you are  planning.  Keep the finances and circumstances of all parties involved when coordinating the bachelorette party and bridal shower.    
At some points this particular #CoordinatedConversation got a little heated so I’ll stop here for now.  You can visit our post on IG read through the conversation!